My B-Day

Yesterday I turned 43, but it could have easily been 34, or 24, or I don't know, any time during my adult life because I can't feel a difference. I know that time is passing by, some of my childhood events and teenage days seem to have happened in another life time, but at the end of the day, I feel that I am me and that it is not so bad to be in my own skin. I used to think, when I was younger, that I was loosing time, you know, running from here there, speeding towards becoming independent, getting a career, finding the love of your life, settling down... There seemed to be a race to get it all figured out and I distinctively remember when people stopped asking me what I wanted to do when I grew up, and instead started asking me what were my plans for a future career, and what steps was I taking towards that goal. In high school, I used to count the days to be out of town and go to college, failing to realize that the life I was living then was pretty good and that there are all these events and things happening then, even though I always had the feeling that I was stuck until I grew into being old enough to matter. Know what I mean? After all, all this running and urge to move forward at any cost was a mistake, I know now looking back, but try to explain that to an anxious and vibrant 20 year old! And maybe that's the reason why where I am now in life, in spite of all the challenges, uncertainties, and oddities, feels right to me. I am not running anymore, at least more or less than the next person. I enjoy time passing and taking time to smell the roses in my garden as much as any one else. I still spend as many hours a day as I can reading and thinking, sometimes dreaming with my eyes open, a favorite past time of mine. Above all, I like to think, even if that does not necessarily entail producing anything immediately, like writing about it or whatever. I like the way your brain tickles when you attack a new idea, when you fly in hot pursuit after your imagination, and how everything seems to fall into place after you flipped and tossed and turned all the pieces of complex mental puzzles into coherent masterpieces. I like the traveling, the search, the research, the pursuit, the quest, and I feel that without brain stimulation, meaningful human contact, and being part of something, be it your family, your knitting club, or your research niche, well, it's the best for me. I know that I am older than other people in my circumstances, but really I don't care any more. I feel that what I bring to the table, my life experience, my culture, my ability to contribute meaningfully to a shared project are pluses that should not be disregarded. I am still short of my full potential, of course, aren't we always far away of reaching our own ideals, but today it feels comfortable being me and I just wanted to share that with you all. Every age if beautiful is you know how to live it, my mother always says. Who would have thought she has been right all these years!